29 March 2012

Living Life

Life.  Being a mother, wife, homemaker, taxi, cook, boo-boo kisser, tutor, mentor, block tower constructor, pep talker, cleaner, organizer, errand runner, and friend is a difficult and amazing position to be in.

I have had periods in my life where it was so dark and so hopeless that there seemed to be no way out.  My life was at times a horror (I'm not being dramatic here) and on several occasions had suicidal thoughts (no worries friends they were thoughts not actions I was still rational amazingly).

All this to say,  I was born an optimist and now, with life's experience, I'm a realist/optimist.  I try to find the good in things but am willing to admit when it's time to leave or that I've been wrong.  It's not without a fight.  I'm not always a rational being.  In fact, until recently, I have been ruled by my emotions.

Living life on life's terms means finding ways to deal with stress, pressure, anger, and fear in a way that won't transfer to other people and lightening the hell up.

Why do we have to be so freakin' serious all the time?  I'm turning to humor.  I'm putting myself in time out as well as my son so I can have a moment to think and respond instead of react.    I rationalize and explain when need be.  I giggle and cross eyes when need be.  I try to make a serious situation doable.

I'm trying to live life instead of just surviving life.  I'm putting myself out there.  My heart may get hurt.  That's okay.  I have a pretty tough heart in some places and pretty tender in others but I can survive a lot of things.

I'm changing my expectations.  There is no such thing as a dish fairy or laundry fairy or bath tub scrubbing fairy.  Lets face it, these things must be done.  Might as well do them and get them over with so that I can enjoy my family.  I may be tired as can be, not have any defined weekends ( I'm a stay at home mom I never rest) and the only alone time I may have during a week is at the laundry mat.  That's okay too.  I have a sketch book at home that I paint in and draw  in while the baby is napping or playing.  I write in my journal while waiting for my son's bus to drop him off.  I sing and dance while cooking/cleaning/ whatever.  I'm reading magazine articles piece mail.  I'm learning how to do things in broken up intervals and be alright with the end result.

This is LIFE!  It's messy and ugly and beautiful and sad and happy all wrapped up in the same package.

Go out there and live the best one you can.

You are worth it.

Your loved ones are worth it too.

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