15 May 2012

Aunt Cindy

My aunt died on May 4, 2012.  She was fifty years old and had a husband and a grown up married daughter.  She was healthy and happy and then she was gone.  This is such a shock to me because of all the people I had hoped to connect with again, my dearest wish was to connect with her.

She was the mother I always wished for.

You see, I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, and in 2003 I decided I didn't want to be a Witness anymore.     This religion stipulates that when a baptized member grievously sins or departs from the faith, that the rest of the members shun that person.  I've been shunned for almost ten years now.  Because of this I didn't get to have contact with my aunt who was a witness, her brother, my parents, my sister, my cousin.  All of them were barred from me.

There isn't really a way to describe the pain of that kind of shunning and I will not detail it in this post.

Out of that pain there was always the hope that my aunt would someday brake from that faith.  Unfortunately that didn't happen for us.

There are blessings from all of it though.  My uncle who was married to my aunt was not converted to that path and we have been talking after so many years of silence.  I am so grateful for that.

In total I have connected with four family members!

My aunt was an amazing person.  She always filled a room with light, laughter, and sweetness.  Everyone that knew her loved her.  My aunt and uncle's relationship became the model for my own:  trust, love and laughter.

Even though this religion kept us apart, I have no hard feelings for her.  Honestly,  I don't even have a single negative memory of her.  I only have the deepest love and the fondest of memories.  Her passing has made possible these many re connections.  Her passing has rekindled a need to tell those that are close to me how I feel about them, and has me hugging my loved ones a little longer.  Though it sounds cliche, the truth of it is, there isn't a guarantee for tomorrow.

For these lessons and memories I will be eternally grateful.  I hate that it came now from her passing, but I will take it as the dearest of gifts that she could have given me.

I love you Aunt Cindy and I always will.

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